can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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