Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The best revenge is premature balding
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
