I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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