I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need a beard to bite.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
