So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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