Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
as a side note pls kill me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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