Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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