You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
