a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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