dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
