dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
