Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
