Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
