Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
