The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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