she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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