My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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