Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
