Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
