You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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