The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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