o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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