Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
