I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
