after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am one with the molecules
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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