are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
