Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
