Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
