I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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