I CAN MOONWALK!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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