check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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