White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
