i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
