You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
