come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
