The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
