Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will pee on everything he values.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
