I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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