Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
