I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
