I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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