Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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