To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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