You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
