Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
