it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
