Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
