i think i have herpe
just one?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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