Are we in a gay sports bar?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
