If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
