Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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