hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
