I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
