i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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