i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
