Fine. I'll sleep in my office
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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