he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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