I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
