with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
