lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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