I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
