Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
