that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
