He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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