and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
