remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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