Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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