FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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