highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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