yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's like iHOP with fire
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
